


Not Just A Gift

by rocksalts



Series: Suptober20 [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Sam Winchester, Pre-Slash, Sam Winchester is So Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27110344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocksalts/pseuds/rocksalts
Summary: Sam finds out about the mixtape Dean made for Cas and thinks he might just lose it because of how clueless those two are.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Suptober20 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977244
Comments: 8
Kudos: 168





	Not Just A Gift

**Author's Note:**

> suptober20 day 12 prompt: rewind (ficlet) | sam + destiel | ~1.5k words

Sam almost didn’t catch it at all.

When the words finally caught up to him, he ripped his eyes away from the heavy book splayed across his lap and stared.

“Wait. Hold on,” Sam shook his head, “Rewind that last bit. You did _what_?”

His brother was sitting opposite him, looking cool as a pickle. If Sam wasn’t so acutely aware of Dean’s habits after years of living with him, he probably would have let the whole thing slide without a second thought and gone back to studying up on the monster that he was pretty sure was a _kitsune_. 

But Sam knew better. It was in the way Dean’s eyes focused on a single spot on his computer screen, looking at the words but not reading them, that told him something was off. Dean was weirdly still, too, like if he moved the wrong way he’d destroy his feeble attempt at going unnoticed.

Except this was Sam, and Dean knew he couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t just let that slip like nothing.

“Uh, yeah,” Dean shifted. “A, like, a cassette tape. The ones with the spiny things and the—know what? Never mind.” Dean waved a dismissive hand.

Sam scoffed.

“No, no. I know what a _cassette tape_ is, Dean. But you…you made one for…for _Cas_?”

Sam realized he was probably playing up the surprise too much on this one, and he didn’t want to push Dean to say anything he didn’t want to, he really didn’t. But the teasing little brother in him was beginning to jump out and he couldn’t stop it even if he tried.

Dean pursed his lips, turning away slightly as if he could hide the blush rushing up to his cheeks and ears. Sam did his best to suppress a smile.

“Yeah, man, it wasn’t a big deal. Just, you know, it was a gift. So that he doesn’t up and start listening to your Celine Dion crap. That’s all.”

Sam watched Dean shift uncomfortably, stubbornly maintaining eye contact. After a moment of searching for an open spot where Dean might say more, Sam sat back and moved his legs so he could read the words in his book again.

“Okay.”

And that was it. Sam calmly continued reading, flipping the pages every once in a while to skip ahead or reference something he’d already seen. He heard Dean go back to what he was doing too, soft tapping on his keyboard every once in a while indicating that he was looking something up or jotting something down.

An hour of silence had passed when Dean breathed out a quick “ _I’m in love with Cas_ ,” which, to be honest, hadn’t been exactly what Sam had expected. He thought maybe there’d be more beating around the bush, and _maybe_ something that insinuated the idea, but when he looked up at Dean again, Sam’s joke about his brother’s frankness died quickly on his tongue.

“I shouldn’t be—in… _you know_ \--with him. I know...I know that it’s not, uh, reciprocated,” Dean’s voice turned rough around the edges. He was burning a hole into the table with his gaze.

“But I can’t…I don’t know how else to describe it, Sammy. I tried to–-to say it was just a familial type of love, but, I know it’s not the same way you care about him. And it’s definitely not the same way I care about you. So—so that must mean it’s…uh…it’s _different_ , right? Tell me—tell me I’m wrong about this,” he pleaded.

Sam closed the book and set it aside, bringing his chair closer to the table.

“You aren’t _wrong_ , Dean. It’s not–,” Sam let out a breath, creating a plan of action in his mind of how to go about this. A part of him had turned soft when he realized that Dean finally trusted him enough to confide in him with this, and Sam was going to do his best to keep that trust.

“You don’t get to decide how you feel about someone,” he finally said. “If you love Cas, then that’s okay. What…” Sam said his next words carefully, “What makes you think he doesn’t feel the same?”

Dean fiddled with the pen in his hand, frowning down at it in thought.

“He can’t, Sam. Not after I…not after everything. And—and if he does, he shouldn’t. All I do is make him suffer.”

Sam’s expression turned pained. It was no secret that he and Dean had gone through some hard shit, and although Sam had considered on various occasions that his brother’s feelings towards Cas were more than brotherly, the thought of Dean going through his deep set issues regarding this by himself made Sam’s stomach twist.

“Dean, I don’t think–-I, I _know_ that Cas doesn’t look at you and see the source of all his problems. Sure, you two have both _done_ things, but Cas—Cas has forgiven you every time. There’s a reason behind that. But…you’re not gonna know unless you ask.”

He’d put it as gently as he could, and if it were any other person, Sam would have squeezed Dean’s shoulder or something in an attempt to comfort him. But Sam was pretty sure that’d be the last straw for Dean, so he held back.

“How long have you known?” Sam asked instead.

Dean smiled sadly at that. “Years, I think.”

Sam took in a deep breath and leaned back in his seat. Dean had spent _years_ harboring this, holding onto it and letting it grow into what it was now. Sam had faced heart break, even rejection, but what Dean was doing to himself was torture.

“I think you should give it a chance.”

Dean made eye contact with him for the first time since he’d blurted out his confession.

“Why? So he can leave again? I can’t let him do that. _I_... can’t go through that again.” He ran a hand over his face. “Ah, you know what? Just forget I ever said anything. Doesn’t matter. The tape was just a gift.”

Before Sam could protest, Dean pushed back his chair and left.

-

Sam was sure that the tape was not “ _just a gift_.” At least, not to Cas.

They were on their third go around of the playlist, and if Sam had to hear _Immigrant Song_ one more time he was going to lose it— rip his hair out, pop a vein, the whole nine.

Frustrated, he combed a hand through his hair and bit back a snarky remark.

“You uh, really like these songs, huh?”

He’d been willing to listen to it the first time just out of curiosity’s sake. If it were up to Dean, Sam probably would have been banned from listening to it _ever_ , but Cas was happy to put it on--insistent, even. Sam silently took note of Dean’s song choices, raising an eyebrow every now and again and glancing at Cas to see if he’d understood some of the startlingly clear messages his brother was throwing out there for him.

The second time, Sam hadn’t had much of a choice in the matter. They were stopped at a light, and Cas handed it to him to rewind (muttering about there being a pencil in the glove compartment) and re-stick it into the car’s tape deck. That time, Sam was surprised enough by the request to follow through with it, and settled in for another hour and a half of Dean’s Led Zeppelin tracks.

This third time, Cas had done it himself.

Sam had dipped to use the restroom while Cas filled up on gas, and during the time that he was gone, Cas had rewound the tape. Again.

Cas shot Sam a smile.

“Yes. I find the songs to be soothing.”

Sam took a moment to process that statement, the sounds of electric guitar scratching at his ears.

“Soothing.” He wet his lips, “Uh, did Dean tell you why he gave you this?”

Cas shrugged. “I…tried returning it to him, but he said it was a gift. ‘ _You keep those_.’ So I kept it.”

Sam chuckled at Cas’ impression of his brother.

“Yeah, but do you…listen to anything else? I mean, this is our third time hearing—” Sam cleared his throat, “ _Whole Lotta Love_ , Cas. Maybe we can, I dunno…give it a little break?”

Cas frowned, eyes firmly watching the road ahead of them, and Sam was two seconds away from apologizing when Cas answered.

“It reminds me of him.”

Sam raised his eyebrows. “…Of Dean.” 

Cas nodded, and Sam let his head hit the headrest. “You two are ridiculous,” he mumbled.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“Nothing,” Sam sighed, twisting in his seat to settle in for a nap. These two idiots were going to be the reason for his self-inflicted dementia. 

“Just…wake me up when you want to rewind it again.”

It was going to be a long drive home.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr if you enjoyed, @rambleoncas  
> I post my suptober20 prompts on there first !!


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